The Bitter Taste of Sadness
by VegaWriters
Summary: It took a minute for CJ to respond. Finally, she moved to sit with him on the couch. You are, Toby. But it's what makes you, you. With a gentle touch, she turned his face to hers.


The Bitter Taste of Sadness

Shauna K. Brock

Pairing: CJ/Toby

Rating: Adult

Summary: She'd never understood Andi's reasoning. Yes, Toby was sad and morose, but that was part of his charm. It was what made him Toby.

Disclaimer: What money?

Author's note: Another short from the Dark History universe. And I'd like to thank Montiese for the Ani Difranco idea.

He stood outside in the rain, looking up at the single, illuminated window. The dark clouds blocked the noon sun, plunging the district into a gloomy, pre-dusk dimness that served to inspire his imagination in every way save the words he needed for the speech. He hated the outdoors, he hated being wet, but he'd had to come here after Andi had yet again turned him down. He couldn't shake the look in CJ's eyes when she'd found out - the sense of betrayal, how she'd tried to smile even as the rest of the staff rallied around him with congratulations. They weren't promised to each other, but she was his best friend. He should have told her first.

Toby sighed and stepped forward. He punched the access code that would let him upstairs and trudged over to her door. Her keys jingled in his hands and he unlocked the door, pushing it open, praying that he wouldn't catch her here with Danny - even though it would serve him right. He was almost certain they were back together again, after all, he'd always known whenever CJ was getting laid. Soft music greeted his ears - Ani Difranco it sounded like - and CJ was on the couch, her head thrown back, her hand down the front of her leggings, and her own fingers pushing her toward release. In silence he stood, watching, growing harder by the second as CJ's gasps filled the room. There was no doubt that she knew he was there, her moans had changed when he'd shut the door behind him, but she didn't change her course of action, and it wasn't until she'd flown over the edge that she opened her eyes to look at him. Their eyes met and then hers traveled down to his hard-on and he could see her demons wrestling as she made a decision. Finally she stood up, walked over, and locked the door. Leaning in close - he could smell her - she whispered softly, "Take care of it yourself. You should have called." Toby winced, hearing the anger in her voice. She still hadn't forgiven him for Andi.

But he just grabbed her arm and pulled her back to his body. "CJ, I came over to talk. I came over to apologize."

"If you came over here to bury your sorrows because Andi won't marry you again, think again." She tugged her arm back. But Toby pulled her up against his body, pressing his erection into her. "Toby, let me go." The tears that spring to her eyes gave him pause and Toby released her and caught his breath.

"God, CJ, I'm sorry."

"Shut up." She looked at him, her own shirt now soaked from where he'd pressed up against her, and her heart softened. "God, Tobus, you're soaking wet. Come on upstairs." Shaking her head, she took his outer coat, shirt, and undershirt. "I'll put these in the dryer, you go change. Your stuff is still in your drawer." He was half dressed when she came back in after dumping his wet clothes in the dryer. She had a bottle of oil in her hands and nodded to the bed. "Lie down." She said softly. "You need a break and I'm going to give it to you." He complied, and when CJ straddled him from behind, he shifted, feeling his erection coming back.

"You're pissed at me." He said, softly.

"Yes, but not for the reasons you think." She sighed and leaned down, and he realized that she'd removed her tank top - her breasts pressed into his back. "No, I'm just so overwhelmingly disappointed. Toby, Andi's pregnant and she's healthy and it's twins and you didn't feel fit to tell me. I'm your best friend ..."

"You're also the other mother of my child. I didn't want you to ... I didn't know how to break it to you."

"I get that." She kissed his shoulder and then sat back up, continuing to rub the oil into his back. "Really, I do." With a sigh, she rolled off his body and onto her stomach. Toby took the hint and sat up, taking the oil and warming it between his fingers. "How did she ... what happened? Tell me it was something like she went behind your back to use sperm that you'd frozen or something."

"We were drunk."

The words hung in the air for a long moment, before CJ suddenly started to giggle. All the tension left the room as she just laughed. It was contagious, and soon Toby was also laughing, hard, at the absurdity of the situation. All those years of trying and failing, and one drunken night had resulted in twins. He started to rub her back again, focusing on her tension-spots, and the moan that escaped her lips only caused Toby to press a little deeper as he rubbed the oil into CJ's back. "Better?" He didn't just mean her muscles - he could tell a lot of things had changed since their outburst.

"Don't ever stop." She chuckled and stretched like a cat. "Seriously. If you do..."

"If I don't, you'll be a blob of Jell-O." He chuckled and his fingertips moved lower, caressing the sides of her breasts. CJ giggled and squirmed away. When Toby did it again, she rolled over, exposing her breasts to him. Their eyes met for a minute before he leaned down to kiss each nipple.

"You're here because Andi turned you down yet again. I don't want to be your rebound fuck, Toby." She caressed his beard. "I'm not your second choice."

"I'm here because Andi turned me down and because you love me. I won't fuck you unless you want me to." He grinned, but she could see the sadness behind his eyes. "Do you want me to?" Outside, the skies poured down sheets and sheets of rain. Lightning graced the skies, lighting the Potomac clear to the Atlantic. It was their one afternoon off, their one Saturday to take a break. He was supposed to be working on the inauguration speech, and CJ on the 30 second answers they needed, but work was on hold for today. It had to be.

CJ sighed and again caressed his beard. "Toby ..."

"This is the part where you tell me that you can never say no to me. This is the part where I slide myself inside of you and make all of my problems go away." Suddenly he smiled devilishly and bent, taking one nipple between his teeth. As he bit down, he heard CJ's sharp intake of breath and he could see her stomach muscles tensing. "It's a Saturday afternoon, and we have the time to relax," he grinned. "Let's just pretend we don't work together." He slid his fingers past the waistband of her leggings and down into her soft curls. Her legs parted willingly and he smiled and moved his thumb around her clit.

"Oh God, Toby ... just fuck me."

CJ grinned as she handed over a cup of strong Irish coffee. Toby reclined back on her couch, thumbing through her wilted copy of Mrs. Dalloway. "And you tease me about being addicted to that book."

"I'm just amazed that this copy I gave you is still in one piece." He took the coffee, "Thanks." Over the rim of the mug, he watched her as she curled up into her favorite chair. Her legs tucked easily up under her body, the silk of the pajama pants she'd changed in to after their romp clinging to her in just the right places. He smiled, knowing that she was naked underneath and that alone was an invitation. It felt wrong, being here, taking advantage of their relationship like this after Andi had yet again turned him down. He wanted to do right by his children. The twins deserved that - and if he could ever get Andi to say yes, he wouldn't screw it up this time around. That meant no more pretending that he and CJ didn't work together, he had to savor what he could, while he could.

"You're here with me, but your mind is on her." CJ sighed. "Nothing new."

Toby chuckled. "Andi would say the same thing."

"I honestly don't know how I feel about this strange relationship that the three of us have." CJ stared at her freshly manicured nails. "Part of me keeps waiting for you to ask the two of us to go at it so you can watch."

"Would you?" He grinned devilishly. He could admit that it was a fantasy of his.

CJ glared at him, but when she saw the sparkle in his eyes, she just cracked up. After a minute, Toby followed her into laughter. "How do you know that Andi and I never had a relationship before you came into the picture?"

"Because I know my ex-wife, and if another woman's hands had ever touched her like I know you can touch someone, our sex life would have been a lot different."

For a minute CJ blushed and then just dissolved into giggles again. Toby followed her laughter. He sipped his coffee, watching her, and then just shook his head. "What is it, Toby?"

"She calls me sad, CJ." He stared down into his coffee. "She calls me sad."

It took a minute for CJ to respond. Finally, she moved to sit with him on the couch. "You are, Toby. But it's what makes you, you." With a gentle touch, she turned his face to hers. "It takes a sad soul to understand that Macbeth can be a love story, and that Anne Rice and Virginia Woolf are beautiful." She'd never understood Andi's reasoning. Yes, Toby was sad and morose, but that was part of his charm. It was what made him Toby.

Toby grinned. "It also takes a sad soul to work my way through your thoughts."

CJ giggled and slid her hand down his chest. "Are you calling me sad?"

He held up Mrs. Dalloway. "No." He laughed and leaned forward to kiss her. "You really don't care that I'm here, burying my depression in your body?"

"Of course I care. But it's you or my vibrator right now." She laughed. "And my vibrator doesn't have a beard."

Toby chuckled and leaned in close, rubbing his chin against her neck. The goose bumps that rose across her body only egged him on. "So you aren't fucking Danny?" When she glared at him, he chuckled. "We're pretty pathetic, you know that, right?"

"Just tell me you don't care that I'm fantasizing about Danny while you do this." She whimpered when his fingers pressed into her through the silk of her pants.

Toby made a face and pulled back, "Oh, please tell me that you aren't really doing that."

CJ closed her eyes and threw her head back, "Danny ... harder ... harder ..." She peeked out of one eye, saw the look on his face and cracked up. "Jesus, Toby."

"I prefer it when you call me God." He grinned and tugged the strap of her shirt away from her shoulder. He wanted to dominate her right now, to trap her hands over her head or behind her back and work out his aggressions over Andi on CJ's body. But that wasn't fair to CJ. When they were together, they needed to be together because they wanted each other, not because he wanted Andi; not because one drunken night with his ex-wife had led to something neither of them had planned.

"Toby," CJ whimpered. He continued to stroke her through her pants, slowly tugging her so that she straddled his lap. She rocked above him as his fingers fucked her and as her knees gave way as she climaxed, he caught her and brought her down completely on his lap.

CJ could feel his erection through his jeans, but didn't know if she could keep up. So much of this was her own anger that Andi could get pregnant off of one night and could hold so much over him, including his very heart, and he needed to seek his release in her body. She wanted to make him beg for it, but she couldn't. She loved him too much, and she needed him too much. Only her deepest demons would admit that she obliged to days like this because it kept him close. There were times when she felt no better than Andi. "What do you want, hmm?" She rocked on his lap.

"Suck it, CJ," he moaned. "Suck it."

With a smirk, CJ slipped down between his legs and undid his jeans. "Anyone else would think you sound like a bad romance hero."

"Well, if you're calling me a hero," he moaned, as CJ took him into her mouth. "I'll gladly take the legend." He gasped and his thoughts turned to jelly as she finished him off. When she was done, CJ sat back and licked her lips before taking a sip of her coffee. The whiskey, the taste of the coffee, and the lingering salt left over from Toby combined for an interesting bitter sensation in her mouth.

"Yeah," she laughed. "We're pretty pathetic. But it works for us."

"Yeah." He reached down to tug her back onto the couch next to him. "What do you say we order a pizza, I raid that pie I know you've got in the freezer, and we fall asleep in front of a movie?"

"What about the speech? What about Andi?" She felt the bitterness creep back into her tone.

Toby's arms tightened around her. He knew how she felt, and he knew that the kids would either be the driving wedge or the thing that brought them back together. "Let that all wait until tomorrow, CJ."

"Anything you say, Scarlet." She closed her eyes and snuggled into his arms, deciding that a nap should come first. Toby smiled sadly, kissed the top of her head, and followed her into sleep.

fin

Copyright March 2006 


End file.
